I was gonna suggest heading for international waters instead but did you know that the US President can declare any rock US territory if it's got some bird shit on it? Or something like that, I'd have to find my notes.
Why are we gonna run afoul of the Coast Guard?
[ Not "how", not even a hypothetical. She knows what she's about. ]
Any bird shit or does it have to be bald eagle bird shit? I really should know this working for the government, but fuck if I pay attention to anything but the paycheck.
I was thinking we could take your house out for a spin before the summer's over.
Actually, they can. My ex-fiancee loved testing any kind of shit. Literal shit. He could tell you where a bat came from, what it ate for dinner two weeks ago, and who it last slept with.
Do I smell? Like morning breath, armpits, the boy's locker room at the local high school? Or has my face gone wonky on me and I haven't noticed it yet?
No. There's no one to hit this time, Rachel. Simmer down.
I'm asking because I can't seem to meet my quota. Either any potential people leave before we can get anywhere, they find someone better, or they just straight up lead me on and stop talking to me. It's never been this hard for me and I can't figure out what the problem with me is. I've been here a year and I'm no closer to my incentive than I was when I got here.
I didn't realize you were having such a hard time, I'm sorry. I think sometimes people get to thinking that because this isn't home they don't have to take shit seriously. That's rude.
Common denominator, Rach. And it's not like I want anything serious.
Okay, I'm lying and I'm shit at lying. I wouldn't mind anything serious if it happens, but I'm at the point of taking what I get, only I'm not getting anything so there's no taking. I haven't even had a date in a year. I miss having someone to come home to. I didn't get laid since December and that drought only broke because I was willing to fuck my boss so I didn't get sent home.
And let me tell you, fucking your boss is bad enough. Fucking your vampire werewolf hybrid boss is probably up at the top of the list somewhere.
At least the sex with him is worth risking my paycheck. Vampire stamina is amazing. Vampire werewolf stamina? You should really take a ride with one if you ever can.
I already go to the monthly ones and I never thought I'd say this but no bars. I'm tired of bars. I never minded when I was on a first name basis with the bartender, but now they not only know my first name but that when I ask them to leave the bottle that I'm not expecting someone to come along and share it with me. My self-esteem can't take the hits anymore.
We met in a bar. Is that your way of complimenting me? Because it works.
Yeah, been trying that. Something happens between "Hi, my name is Angela and I am here to talk shit." and getting replies and moving on from there to actually cuddling. That middle space is the problem spot. One guy seemed real up for getting into bed for me until I said he could come over. Suddenly said he was busy and I gave him my number since I was fine with that. He never called. Others' I texted and they said sure, let's do something and then silence.
Just as bad. Had one who I set up a drink date with and she didn't show. Found out she went home that same day. Didn't even have the decency to call and say she was going home. I would have respected her much more if I didn't have to call and get the out of service message.
I know, but it seems people here get just enough to hit their incentive and fuck anybody else that came after that regardless if they made plans with them. I got a couple hits on that post and then... nothing.
Karma's coming for me for my younger dating days, that's what this is.
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[Whenever Angela starts a conversation like that, it's time to run.]
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I'm down but how much potential bail money are we talking about, here?
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Why are we gonna run afoul of the Coast Guard?
[ Not "how", not even a hypothetical. She knows what she's about. ]
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I was thinking we could take your house out for a spin before the summer's over.
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Can they DNA test bat shit like they do dog shit?
Or do we have some bat shit treaty?
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It never did make for sexy pillow talk.
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[Somewhere, Clint's ears are probably (not) ringing.]
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[ Speaking of lovable assholes. She still misses you, bro. ]
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Wait. Do any of us actually know how to drive a boat? If not I know a guy.
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It's not true. I'd tell you.
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I'm asking because I can't seem to meet my quota. Either any potential people leave before we can get anywhere, they find someone better, or they just straight up lead me on and stop talking to me. It's never been this hard for me and I can't figure out what the problem with me is. I've been here a year and I'm no closer to my incentive than I was when I got here.
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I didn't realize you were having such a hard time, I'm sorry. I think sometimes people get to thinking that because this isn't home they don't have to take shit seriously. That's rude.
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Okay, I'm lying and I'm shit at lying. I wouldn't mind anything serious if it happens, but I'm at the point of taking what I get, only I'm not getting anything so there's no taking. I haven't even had a date in a year. I miss having someone to come home to. I didn't get laid since December and that drought only broke because I was willing to fuck my boss so I didn't get sent home.
And let me tell you, fucking your boss is bad enough. Fucking your vampire werewolf hybrid boss is probably up at the top of the list somewhere.
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We gotta get you out there. Get you to more events, stuff like that.
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I already go to the monthly ones and I never thought I'd say this but no bars. I'm tired of bars. I never minded when I was on a first name basis with the bartender, but now they not only know my first name but that when I ask them to leave the bottle that I'm not expecting someone to come along and share it with me. My self-esteem can't take the hits anymore.
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I've met some of my best friends here in bars. But I can respect that.
I've also had good luck just getting my dumb ass on the network talking shit.
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Yeah, been trying that. Something happens between "Hi, my name is Angela and I am here to talk shit." and getting replies and moving on from there to actually cuddling. That middle space is the problem spot. One guy seemed real up for getting into bed for me until I said he could come over. Suddenly said he was busy and I gave him my number since I was fine with that. He never called. Others' I texted and they said sure, let's do something and then silence.
I get stood up before they properly stand me up.
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Well that's just rude. I don't know what to say to that except they're jerks. I'm sorry.
What about the ladies?
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Karma's coming for me for my younger dating days, that's what this is.
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